once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
