Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
