So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
