I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
