I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
