the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
