my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
