i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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