I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
