great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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