I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
