dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The power of my boobs compel you
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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