My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
