She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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