i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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