maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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