Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
