I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
