she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
