I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
