lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
where does the pee come out of this thing
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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