Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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