Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
