i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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