I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you had me at cake vodka
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
