She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
