They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
