do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
