Did you just see the Batmobile???
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
