You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
