Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
