Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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