Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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