That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
