I bet he comes in French.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize