she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
