he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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