the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
