I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
