if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
