don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
