So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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