a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
