you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
