im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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