if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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