Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
