Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
