Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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