Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
