Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You may now shotgun with the bride
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
