I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
