Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I want her autograph on my taint
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
