You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Randomize
