I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize