atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
