I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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