dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
