ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize