My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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