3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
