Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I have aggressive nipples.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
