i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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