You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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