i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize