I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize