dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
