Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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