oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize