I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
