I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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