um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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