sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
