Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
