I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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