did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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