I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
