There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
