I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
