Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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