Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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