I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
