im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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