I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
be right there i have to get my cape
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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