sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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