we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
