Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
