if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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