Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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