Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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