You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
