Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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