im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
