I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
