After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
