Jerry, you need to find god
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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