Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
