hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
