You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
