I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
