Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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