Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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