If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
