Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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