I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
