I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
