do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
