She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
