I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He has the fingertips of a God
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
