We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
